ASK ANGIE^TM
By Angela Hallier, Esq.
Answers to your divorce and family law questions

HOW TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN AGAINST DIVORCE FALL OUT

All too often, divorcing adults lose their common sense and protective instincts when it comes to their children. Here are some tips to follow to keep your children insulated from the worst that divorce has to offer:

1. Make sure you and your spouse tell them about the divorce together. Practice the "telling" with your spouse before-hand if you are able. Consult a child development specialist if you have any questions about what is age appropriate. Your children need to hear that they will stay connected to both of you. They need to hear that they are not at fault. The angst you might feel about doing the "telling" as a couple is nothing compared to what your children will feel if this is not handled appropriately.

2. Do not ask your children their preferences about living arrangements or any other matter in your divorce. The worst thing you can do is to ask your children to "pick". They love you both, even if their relationships are different with each of you. If you have not realized it from being married, you need to understand now that moms and dads each have different but very valuable and unique parenting qualities they bring to the table, at all stages of a child's development. You need to also recognize that the traditional roles of "mom" and "dad" that existed in your intact household will be changing, and not necessarily for the worse.

3. Fake Nice. Even if you are not in the mood, if you truly love your children you will "fake nice" to and about the other parent. Avoid heated discussions in front of them. Do not fail to attend an important event in your children's lives just because the other parent is attending also. Go to parent-teacher conferences together. Try to attend the children's birthday celebrations together. Allow pictures of the other parent in the child's room at your house. Such messages of respect about the child's other parent will go far in ensuring a healthy child.

4. Consult a Counselor. I do not know of a child who could not benefit from some counseling in regard to their parents' divorce. Talk to your spouse about your child having someone other than the two of you to confide in and help guide them through the myriad of emotions they will experience when their parents separate. You might also consider getting some counseling of your own. Whether you wanted the divorce or not, there will be plenty of minefields to navigate with your spouse, your children, and your own emotions.

It is always advisable to seek the counsel of a qualified attorney who can advise you specifically about your case. The information in this column is provided for general information only in the state of Arizona, is not specific to any one case and does not create an attorney-client relationship between the author and the reader. ©2003 - 2008 Hallier Law Firm PLC

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